Should you let your kid quit an activity? A parenting expert says it’s ok to be a quitter sometimes

As parents, we want our children to be patient and rise to face everything opposition. But when your child complains that he hates basketball or says that he doesn’t want to dance anymore (after spending money on tights, leotards and special shoes, of course) you have to force him to continue the sport or activity. ?

Vanessa Lapointe, psychologist, family educator in special practice, and author of Non-Destructive Punishment says that it is okay to let your child quit a certain activity, unless it is not good because of dangerous sports or annoying activities.

He said: “Even when we are adults, it is difficult for us to continue doing new things – especially if we suspect that we are unfit or not doing well. “If this is true for us as adults who have a well-developed brain and a good understanding of how effort is transformed into results, think how much more difficult this is for young children! They do not have the experience of life to know how everything works.

Giving it away

This does not mean that every time your child does not want to do something you should leave him. Children can benefit from being uncomfortable. Although they may not be very good at something right off the bat, a confidence that comes with a little more experience or a bit of work control can be beneficial.

“Sometimes gentle motivation “It is necessary for him to do well,” says Lapointe. She encourages parents to think about the child’s temper and why the task is not being completed before throwing in the towel.

Mary Kickel of Cincinnati, Ohio, mother of two boys, ages 11 and 13, says her rule is that everyone must finish their job (the season or part they signed up for) before paying. “And we have to talk about why,” she says, adding that this step is especially important for her son, who has autism, who may need extra help to make the job fun.

“After that, I have allowed my children to give up football, violin, piano, speaking and arguing.” Music is something that people need to do. After a year or so of training if things don’t work out, we drop it.

Whose dream is it?

In Netflix documents Beckham, David’s mother says that she saw her husband always supporting him to become a professional footballer. But even if you’re not trying to get your child to join Manchester United, many parents may be tempted to push their child victory at a game or event. Lapointe says that this often happens when parents impose their unfulfilled dreams on their children.

He said: “Young children do not yet have the neurological skills and mental maturity to understand the trade-off between time and effort to achieve results. “Somewhere around 10 years they come to an understanding and from there it makes sense to talk about commitment and seeing something, but also about studying hard and pushing yourself.” He also said that children should be encouraged to participate in activities that are fun, playful and fun at an early age. “Our job is to raise brave children, not hard-hearted,” he says.

Let the children have a say

Kickel says another tactic she uses with her boys is to check in on them periodically to see if they’re still getting the most out of their after-school activities.

He said: “I look at things that we’ve been doing for a long time, like a writing workshop or a photography class and ask them if they’re still benefiting from it. If not, we discuss and decide whether or not to do it.

If your child is young, encourage them to try all kinds of different things and see what sparks their imagination and interest.

Lapointe said: “When our children grow up, it is necessary for them to speak more when deciding what to do and the things they want to do, maybe even a little encouragement from parents to continue to do so on difficult days. “Within this, it is good to expect our children to have good health habits, including being active – and to allow your child space in the conversation about how to achieve it.”

Learning

Lapointe says that if your child continues to do things they don’t like, then you need to give them the opportunity to change, which is what makes you strong. But for some children, the process will be too overwhelming. “It’s very important that you don’t just think about the problem and your child’s needs such as their age, behavior and other things going on in their life have been carefully considered,” she says.

Lapointe suggests making a difficult experience better by talking to the teacher about changing something to work better for your child. Otherwise, it may be time to move on.

“There’s never been a problem with quitting,” says Kickel. “There’s been a lot more trust in our relationships.” He says the biggest benefit has been that his boys can try new things because they know they won’t be forced to continue if it doesn’t work.

He said: “It is not good to leave it.” “They are their people.”

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