Twitter is going to Hell in a handbasket. Wait no — that’s a dumpster.
Oh look, it’s full of money.
Aaaannnnnd it’s on fire.
Apparently, things at the bird site aren’t going so great. Actually, the so-called “microphone of the masses” is in pretty bad shape. Bad enough that genius-billionaire investor Elon Musk is now reportedly telling his staff (more of whom he says he intends to lay off) that bankruptcy is now on the table.
The bankruptcy chatter caps off one of the worst days in the history of the platform. Musk’s plan to offer blue verification badges for money to literally anyone with $8 has blown up spectacularly. By noon, the number of verified popes — that is, the bishop of Rome and earthly representative of Christ — had multiplied exponentially. A major pharmaceutical company had seemingly declared the drug insulin free for all. And at least one individual whose username betrayed a deep love of Adolf Hitler had obtained Twitter’s verified blessing.
Meanwhile, NPR was reported warning the journalists it employs do not delete their accounts — for fear they’d be immediately impersonated. And the Pentagon was said to be unsure of what to do with its own account, according to Afghan War vet-turned-reporter Steve Beynon.
At time of writing, Twitter’s brand new head of trust and safety — who replaced the one Musk fired last month — and the head of its sales and marketing were said to be looking for a way to permanently exit the building. The executive pair, Yoel Roth and Robin Wheeler, respectively, not 30 hours ago took part in a Q&A on Musk’s behalf, the aim of which was purportedly reassuring advertisers that everything was not, as it appeared, going to shit.
All this absolute chaos led the editor in chief of one national magazine to wonder aloud Wednesday whether the people bankrolling Musk’s takeover actually worked for his biggest social media rivals. (“Would he be acting any differently?”)
Gizmodo was unable to reach out to Twitter for comment, as was the Verge reported today, there is no one left in the office that used to take those calls.